I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
