There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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