dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
