The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
