oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
