did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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