I wish my penis had an off switch
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
