youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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