Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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