I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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