Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
