Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
