Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize