Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
