Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
