Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
