Can Purell be used as lube?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
