Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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