I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
