when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
