how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
