No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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