I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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