I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
