U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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