had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
