Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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