She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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