Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize