she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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