I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
