she looked like the before picture.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
