hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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