the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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