I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sext me about skeletons
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
