Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
