Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
