Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
