We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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