His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
