swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
