do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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