Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
