I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
its not stalking. its research.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hippo gnu deer
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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