Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it hurts more in the daytime
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
