U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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