I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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