How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
