funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
