Umm I'm too high to move.
i think my tv is drunk
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
