He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
