last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize