What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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