Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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