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All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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