Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
