Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize