whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i've created a new STD.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is Oprah even human
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
