I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
