Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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