I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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