I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
