first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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