I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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