I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
