Im at strip club and am horny
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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