I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
