found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
