My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Panties = found
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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