I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
