You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
