Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
