my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
