Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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