the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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