I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
