I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
