Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
