I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
