Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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