We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
