His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
