who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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