when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
