It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
