I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
