I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
