He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
