I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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