it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
