I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
