whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
