Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
