Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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