Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
