New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
