and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
